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Fear crept up and jumped on my head!


A simple trip to the doctor to see why I was experiencing hearing loss turned into a biopsy of a suspicious spot on my nose, with positive results for basal cell carcinoma, a consult with a Mohs surgeon and a plastic surgeon and an upcoming surgery to remove the cancer.

The worst part? I learned that I have to be awake for the surgery that will take several hours to perform, followed by another surgery to close the wound with a skin flap.  The more I thought about it, the more apprehensive I became. How much of my nose would they have to take? How bad would it hurt? How long would it take to heal? How bad will I look afterward?  As I mulled things over and insidious spirit of fear slithered it's way into my mind and took over. I was afraid - really afraid!

I thought if I Googled Mohs surgery it might give me a better understanding of the surgical process and calm my fears. WRONG!  

Before I could even find the facts, I was inundated with frightening pictures of noses post surgery. Big gaping wounds, disfiguring faces bruised and stitched. Horrible pictures that scared the wits out of me. I turned off the computer, jumped in bed and pulled the covers over my head. I spent the night in fits of sleep, interspersed with scary images, imaginings and unsettling dreams. I prayed, but peace didn't come.

The next day was worse. Fear had a strangle-hold on me.  I recalled this verse....

 When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. Psalm 56:3
I repeated it over and over, declaring my trust in the Lord. He'd never let me down in the past and I knew he wouldn't let me down this time, but...
fear wouldn't give up that easily. 

So, I initiated my secret weapon. I contacted prayer warriors around the country. Friends and family who love me and know how to hit their knees in intercession and spiritual warfare, because I believe in the power of prayer and the loving counsel of godly people.

The fear lifted. I said...

THE FEAR LIFTED!

That just makes me want to sing and shout! God is awesome and His people are kind, supportive and caring.

How do people go through these kinds of things without God and Christian brothers & sisters?

I still have to face the surgery in several weeks, but now I have peace. I'm sure fear will try to weasel his way in again, but I'm on guard, now and I know just what to do.

Joshua 1:9 says...

"Yes, be bold and strong! Banish fear and doubt! For remember, the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Today, I met 3 of my friends for our weekly coffee, chat and blogging session. One of them, Joy, walked in and sang a little ditty she'd made up...

God will never forsake you. He'll never ever leave you.
No, never,  no, never, never never, no, never no, never, never, never, never, never, NO!
So, there, Fear - take that!
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UPDATE: It's been a year since I had surgery. The doctor was amazed that the spot of basal cell carcinoma was very small. He said he had been sure that it would be a large area of my nose. The removal took about 10 minutes.  A couple of days later, I went for the closing surgery. They didn't have to do a flap, just a smaller skin graft.  Today, the scars are relatively small. They look big to me, but others say they don't even notice them. 

Bottom line: God is good and prayer works!
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2 comments:

Leola Ogle said...

This a powerful reminder about how fear can immobilize us. WE were all fearful for you. But, like your post says, you have many praying for you.

Jan Christiansen said...

Thanks, Leola - Good friends are such a blessing from the Lord!