When People are Rude and Hurtful

 I saw this post on Facebook from one of my friends...

"I'm trying not to be upset/offended by how rude some people can be. I am about at the point of just not talking to some people anymore. Period. Pray for me in this. I don't want to be rude either but I don't want certain people to think it's OK to be rude at the same time. What to do, what to do. Any advice ?"

Never one to pass up the invitation to give advice, here's what I came up with...

It's hard when people are rude and hurtful, so what does the Bible say about how we are to handle a situation like this?

I have two go-to passages of scripture that I lean on when things like this happen.

First - Proverbs 19:11 "A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense."   - So, I try to overlook the offense. I often say that a person would have to go a long way to offend me, because I refuse to be easily offended. Being offended is a choice. A person can be a jerk, but we don't have to let their actions or words offend us to the point that we lose our peace.

Second - if someone commits an offense that it is actually a sin, I do what it says in Matthew 15:17-18 - “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector."   - How does the Bible say we treat a pagan or a tax collector? We are to love them in spite of who they are.

Another person responded to the post with this...

I have problems with confronting some people... It comes down to confront them or forgive and forget them. Sometimes the latter is easier for me.

I agree it can be hard to confront some people because we pretty know their reaction will be bad. I don't really like the word "confront" because it carries the image of harsh face-to-face argument. The Bible, however, teaches us to go to one another in a spirit of love, approach them at the right time (not when you're angry), in the right way (with soft words and willingness to hear their side with understanding), and with a forgiving spirit,( even if the issue is not resolved). When done like this, a relationship may be salvaged, mended and made stronger than ever.

Hope this is helpful to you.

What about you - how do you handle a situation like this?

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Hold your tongue!

So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. (New King James Version) - James 1:19-20

One of the hardest things to do is remain silent when you really want to put your 2 cents worth into the conversation.

How many times have you sat listening to a friend pour out their woes, just waiting for a break in their words so that you can tell them how you would handle the situation if it were you? You're so busy thinking of what you wanted to say next that you're not really listening to them at all. Maybe, just maybe, they don't want your advice. Maybe all they really need is a sympathetic and attentive ear so that they can talk it out for themselves.

Can you do it? Can you listen patiently and prayerfully so that when God prompts you to speak, you will have the right words?

And what about those times when someone speaks negatively at you or about you. How quickly do less than godly words pop into your head and out of your mouth? When someone is mad at you do you find your own anger quickly escalating into an explosive outburst?

God wants to produce righteousness in His children. One of the ways He does that is by teaching us to hold our tongue. When we're busy speaking, we're not listening. This even applies to prayer. Yes, we are to speak to Him, thank Him, praise Him, but we are also supposed to listen for His voice, His guidance, His promptings.

So, let's set our minds to listen more than we talk, to hold our tongue until we know that we have something helpful to say and to react to people, not in anger, but in a way that brings honor to the name of Christ, so that God might produce His righteousness in us.

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(Copyright© 2012 Jan Christiansen. All rights reserved.)